


Post-Mortem

by faithinthepoor



Series: Rizzoli and Isles [4]
Category: Rizzoli & Isles
Genre: F/F
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-01-02
Updated: 2013-01-02
Packaged: 2017-11-23 10:35:36
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,480
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/621169
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/faithinthepoor/pseuds/faithinthepoor
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Set following the episode Born to Run</p>
            </blockquote>





	Post-Mortem

**Author's Note:**

> In my series this follows [Body of Evidence](http://archiveofourown.org/works/621139), [Locard’s Principle](http://archiveofourown.org/works/621144) and [Sex Crimes](http://archiveofourown.org/works/621154)

Death doesn’t bother her the way it seems to bother other people. That’s not to say that she’s ready to run into the arms of its final embrace or willing to do anything to decrease her time on the mortal coil but she doesn’t fear her ultimate demise. She sees death for what it is – an inevitable part of life. Death is programmed at the cellular level. The body kills old cells to make way for the new. On a systems level there is similar apoptosis of people as one generation replaces the next. It is simple, it is elegant and it is necessary. She has always admired the process and perhaps that’s why she works in the one field of medicine that isn’t dedicated to prolonging life.

Lately she has not been quite as comfortable with death. Multiple homicides don’t particularly bother her any more than a single killing and these victims were far from innocent so she doesn’t think the murders are the cause of her unease. What happened to the family of the rape victim was infinitely more tragic. That girl suffered a lingering death, a living death, and so did those closest to her. Maura grieves for them. She mourns the loss and the senselessness of it all. She wants to feel more but her empathy is limited at present. Her pain has lessened her ability to feel for others. Her preoccupation with death has become more personal and much more uncomfortable. At present she feels acutely aware of her own mortality and it seems that while she is very capable of dealing with literal death she out of her depth when it comes to the metaphorical.

If there was an actual knife sticking out of her chest she would know what to do. Depending on the extent of the injury she would even have a chance of saving herself. Her medical training has been thorough but she has no idea how to deal with an emotional assault on her heart. Her wounds are invisible. Even her most advanced equipment would find no trace of abnormality. That’s difficult for her to conceive because she is certain that her heart has been damaged. It may fill and empty and pump blood as efficiently as it ever did but that doesn’t mean that it is not broken. 

At least she knows that she will never have to tell anyone that she is a cyborg. Cyborgs don’t have hearts to break. She also suspects that their lachrymal glands aren’t governed by an amygdala determined to reveal their private emotions to the world. She would give anything not to have a limbic system right now. In the past she has happily spent hours pondering the mind brain dualism and marvelling at the complexity of that concept but right now she would prefer not to have a mind at all. In fact a brain might be a little bit more than she can handle. Things would be so much easier if she were a single celled organism.

She desperately wants to be angry with Jane but all she is able to feel is an overwhelming sense of sadness. Jane has shown a side of herself that has both shocked and hurt Maura but maybe she deserved that. She knows that makes her sound pathetic but she has spent enough time with Jane to know that the flip side to Rizzoli’s passion and drive is a fiery temper and unshakable beliefs. Maura doesn’t see how she can admire Rizzoli for some of her qualities and then dislike her for others. Jane is a whole person and Maura can’t pick and choose the attributes of Jane that she likes. Either she loves the package or she doesn’t. The reality is that even though Jane has hurt her more than anyone else in her life, and has committed an act of betrayal that borders on treason, Maura definitely loves the package that is Jane.

Rizzoli had never struck her as homophobic and there is a wistful part of Maura who still believes her impression is accurate. She may not be the best interpreter of human interactions but she is sure that Jane has been flirting with her. Maybe that flirtation has been unintentional or even subconscious but Maura is certain that it was real. She fears that she suffered from very poor timing in that she forced Jane to analyse feelings before she was ready and in doing so Maura may have lost any possibility of a relationship with her.

At this point even friendship may be something that is out of the question. To be fair they are trying to reconcile their differences and Jane is making an effort to spend time with her. Not so long ago Jane wouldn’t have needed to make an effort, spending time together had just come naturally. Maura can’t help but notice that her expectations have risen over time – there was a point where Jane seeking out her company during the work day was all that it took to make her happy and a time when she was delighted to learn that she had her own ring tone on Jane’s phone. Those things feel so inadequate now.

She did get Jane to agree to spend time with her outside of work today but she used a charity event to do so. Exploiting the plight of underprivileged children for her own ends makes her feel dirty but she didn’t know what else to do. The kids of excellence can at least take comfort in the thought that she almost immediately ruined the opportunity that they granted her and that even she though managed to weather that storm she has spent the entire day bickering with Jane. Clearly she is not powerful enough to meddle with karma. 

Right now she is unbelievably grateful for crime scenes. It’s a little morbid but without a touch a death she never would have finished the run being cheered on by Jane’s parents. Far more importantly, without the loss of life and a chance to reaffirm their professional bond, she never would have received a hug from Jane. She knows it makes her a very bad person but right now it seems like a human life is a small price to pay if it helps her to patch things up with Jane. That said she is not planning to engage in human sacrifice, well at least not yet.

Given the way the day started it is quite surreal to think that she ended it being force-fed lasagne at the Rizzoli household. Her stomach had already expanded to the point where she felt that it might actually rupture when Angela brought out dessert. As she attempted to consume her cannoli without vomiting she had a flash of sympathy for the younger Jane because no-one could live in this house and not end up overweight. She risked a glance at Jane and admired the transformation that she has made from her rolly polly days.

When the meal is over Angela shoes them out of the room and refuses to allow them to help with the dishes. She finds herself sitting on the front steps next to Jane.

“How are you feeling?” Jane asks.

“I still have my doubts about spontaneous human combustion and but I am now sure that people can actually explode and I think I am dangerously close to that state.”

“Moderation isn’t a word in my mother’s vocabulary.”

“A few more meals here and I will develop diabetes.”

“Are you planning on having more meals here?”

Maura realises her faux pas and she could kick herself, “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to imply that I was welcome. I shouldn’t have overstepped my mark.”

“No, no it’s fine.” Jane places a reassuring hand on Maura’s shoulder. “You are most welcome here. My parents love you. A few more meals and my mother will be trying to find a husband for you though.”

She feels a sense of relief that Jane seem to be able to speak lightly on this matter, “Will it break her heart if I don’t like the men that she picks for me?”

“Probably but the challenge will only encourage her.”

“I’ll keep that in mind.”

“I have to admit that I was a bit annoyed that my parents invited you here tonight but now I’m glad that they did.”

“Does that mean that things are ok between us?”

“I think they will be. At least I hope so. I should be the one asking you if we are ok but I don’t think I want to know the answer.”

“Hey,” she reaches up and squeezes Jane’s hand, “I’m here aren’t I?”

“Yes you are but I can’t help thinking that I don’t deserve it.”

“I am not going to end our friendship over one little argument.”

“It wasn’t a small argument.”

“No I guess not.”

“And I was a total bitch to you.”

“I hope you are not looking for me to disagree with you.”

“No and I’m really sorry about the things that I said.”

“It’s ok Jane.”

“It’s really not.”

“You have the right to your opinions but in future maybe you could be a little less blunt when expressing them.”

“But that’s the thing. I didn’t really mean what I said.”

“You sounded pretty convincing at the time,” Maura looks down and tries to blink away the tears that threaten to fall.

Jane reaches over and briefly strokes Maura’s hair, “I am so sorry about that. It’s none of my business who you sleep with.”

“It most certainly isn’t,” her tone is clipped and she’s worried that her voice will break.

“I’m getting this all wrong again.”

“Look. I don’t want us to go round and round in circles. If this is a deal breaker for you I need to know.”

“Maura I’m not angry that you’ve slept with women.”

“As well you shouldn’t be. You have no right to be angry about that.”

“I know I don’t and I’m not, angry that is, what I am is jealous.”

Maura looks over at Jane but Jane refuses to meet her eyes, “Are you serious?”

“Yes,” Jane replies hesitantly.

“Then why did you say those horrible things to me?”

“I didn’t mean to. I just couldn’t handle the thought that you’d been with other women and yet I didn’t stand a chance.”

“Do you want to have a chance with me?”

“I do,” Jane nods, “but you’ve made it clear that I’m not your type.”

“You’re really not.”

“And that’s a bit painful for me.”

“Jane,” she places her hand under Jane’s chin and turns the detective’s head around so that she can look at her, “just because you don’t fit the stereotype of what is usually appealing to me doesn’t actually mean that I don’t like you.”

“Really?”

“Really,” she affirms. “I happen to think that’s a good thing. My type turns out to be the kind of person who commits fratricide.”

“Well sometimes Frank Jr really pisses me off.”

“You say that but you love your family.”

“Strangely enough I do.”

“That’s not strange at all.”

“Can we get back to the topic of us?”

“There’s an us?”

“Maybe,” Jane states shyly, “I think I like you.”

“Only think?”

“I’m not sure. I’ve never liked a woman before. You twist me and make things difficult but I’m pretty sure that’s because I like you.”

“Well I know for sure that I like you.”

“You do,” Jane looks at her with wonder.

“Definitely,” she grabs Jane’s hand, “I hope that’s ok.”

“More than ok,” Jane laces their fingers together.

“So what do we do now?”

“I don’t know. I think I need time to digest all of this.”

“And I so need time to digest that meal. I feel like my stomach is full of concrete.”

“You’ll get used to it.”

“I’m not sure that I will.”

“Enough meals here and you’ll develop a tolerance.”

“What I’ll develop is obesity.”

“I’d still think that you are gorgeous.”

“Thank you,” Maura can feel the warmth rising in her cheeks. “So I am going to be having more meals here?”

“God I hope so.” Maura’s broken heart mends a little at those words and they stare into one another’s eyes in silence. She feels she could stay like that forever but the moment is broken by a car alarm going off in front of them. Her body clearly reacts to the sound because Jane chuckles, “I guess you’ve not spent a lot of time sitting on stoops.”

“I have never lived in a house that was this close to the street.”

“All your houses probably had grounds.”

“They might have had grounds but I can tell you that their pantries had about a quarter of the food in them that your mother has in her freezer.”

“There are no large, whole dead fish in that freezer though.”

“You told me that you liked the fish.”

“I didn’t like that it was looking at me.”

“Well I like spending time with you but I don’t like feeling that all of the neighbours are looking at us.”

“It’s probably not as strange an occurrence for them as it is for you.”

“So it’s common for you to sit out here holding hands with people?”

“Well not common but it’s not the first time.”

“I feel so cheap now.”

“If it helps you are the first woman.”

“That does make me feel a little better.”

“I sat outside like this when I said goodbye to Grant and he tried to kiss me.”

“And now I feel worse.”

“I didn’t let him but I would like to kiss you.”

“Are you ready to do that if front of the whole neighbourhood?”

“No I’m not,” Jane admits but then she leans over and briefly presses her lips against Maura’s.

Maura’s breath catches and she swears that her lips tingle in the aftermath, “Well I for one can’t wait for the next time you are not ready to kiss me.”

“Never can I but we need to go inside now because at any minute my mother will be chasing us for coffee. I should warn you that there could be biscotti.”

“How can I possibly eat anything else?”

“You better hope that my mother doesn’t find out that I like you because then she will start cooking to impress.” Jane pulls Maura up and uses her free hand to brush the hair out of Maura’s eyes. Maura places a quick kiss to Jane’s neck and inhales the perfume that lingers there. “Come on you. We need to continue the force feeding,” and even though Janes words make Maura’s stomach hurt she is certain that she will eat whatever Angela puts in front of her if it means getting to spend more time with Jane.


End file.
